Sitting in my usual corner I watched my master with mild curiosity. He had not left for the day yet and was not doing his usual routine of getting ready. In fact his uniform was still hanging and he was wearing clothing that was not becoming of him or his station. His outfit consisted of an old worn t-shirt (he owned one of those?) and a pair of cut-off shorts that advertised his long lean legs. He had carefully pinned his long blond hair back in a tight braided ponytail and was barefoot. For the life of me I couldn't understand what he was attempting this morning. He continued to walk in and out of the bathroom, first with bottles in his hand, then towels, and finally what looked to be a brush and comb. Lastly I heard the bathtub running, hmmmm, a bath for him now? Seemed like an odd time to do it since I was accustomed to sitting by the tub with him in the evening. Slowly I stood up and stuck my black nose into the entryway of the bathroom, as my dark eyes met his pale ones a smirk played upon his full lips.
"Perun," he began, "I see curiosity has finally caused you to arouse and see what I am up to."
I gave my tale a half-hearted wag. He reached across the tub and shut the water off, the water was shallow, not enough for one of his baths. That's when it slowly dawned on me, the bottles, the towels, the shallow depth of the water, wait a minute! That's my brush and comb! Oh shit (the things you learn from listening to human conversation) he's giving me a bath!
I tried to run but he was too agile for me. Like a panther he leaped across the room and slammed the door on me. I ran to a corner and cowered, making myself as small as possible.
"I am sorry Perun that I have to do this. But you see none of my soldiers want to bathe you anymore. They are tired of getting bitten and snarled at. So, since you are my dog I have decided that you are my responsibility and it is I that must give you the bath."
We'll just see about that master dear, I thought to myself, and as he reached for me I relaxed my whole body making myself as heavy as possible. It didn't stop him, for such a thin man he had a lot of strength. He picked me up and held me tight, I tried to struggle but he gripped me harder. If only I could get my front paw loose then I would have an advantage, but it was too late. With a loud grunt from his end he plopped me into the warm water.
I tried to leap out of the tub but he pushed me back in with such force I didn't want to try that trick again. But I had others.
Grabbing me by the nose he forced me to look at him and said, "don't try anything cute with me Perun, I am the master of escaping. I know all the tricks, now take your bath like a man, er, dog."
With that said he poured the shampoo on me and began to scrub. I moved my body out of range forcing him to move further across the tub. He pulled me back. Next I stuck my face in his, causing his arm to be nudged out of the way. He pushed me again into proper position and I ventured a growl.
"Tell me you did not just growl at me. Nobody growls at Zoltar. Growl, snarl, or try and bite me and I will end your life. Do you understand?"
I most certainly did. I have seen my master in action and did not want to suffer at his hands. So I decided aggressive moves was not a good choice. Back to the passive ones, I moved my body to the other side of the tub. This caused the desired affect and Zoltar fell into the tub with a huge splash landing him next to me.
"You son of a bitch, you did that on purpose! Look at me; I am as wet as you are now. Fine, I will just get in here with you."
And so he did, I moved, he moved, several times sliding in the water and falling on his ass. I laughed to myself thinking what his men would say if they saw him now, the great and powerful leader of Spectra drenched and being outwitted by a dog. I also have never heard my master curse so much in a single moment.
"Shit Perun. Come over here. Stop that. I said...."
This was the extent of his conversation until my last trick. The one I called my grand finale.
Zoltar stood up, soaked from head to toe, his blonde hair falling in long wet strands all around him just barely in a braid. He had long ago abandoned the t-shirt and stood there bare-chested, my black fur stuck to it in places standing out against his pale skin. He sighed and looked tired, for a moment I actually felt sorry for him. But only for a moment, in my eyes he deserved what I was about to do. As the water slowly drained out of the tub Zoltar reached for the towel, this is it I thought. I tensed my body and planted my feet firmly on the wet surface of the tub and then starting from my nose to the tip of my tail I shook my body with all my might. Hair and water went everywhere, the bathroom was completely drenched and if Zoltar was wet before he was soaked to the skin now. I looked at him and wagged my tail as if to say ha ha I got you. All too quickly I realized this was a big mistake, his blue eyes were ice cold as they glared at me from under light eyebrows. He took the towel he had in his hand and wiped his face and chest dry, his hair completely out of its braid stuck to him in wet wisps. I stuck my tail between my legs and looked up at him pleadingly. He finished drying himself and dropped the towel over the side of the tub. Still looking at me I could see he was contemplating what to do next.
"Now," he said, "have you gotten it all out of your system? Have you totally destroyed my bathroom? Are you happy now that you have completely humbled me in your doggie mind? I hope so because I am not going through this again. I am not even going to attempt the blow dryer on you."
With that said his lips turned upward into a smile and from that smile he began to laugh. "Perun, you have certainly made my life interesting."
He got out of the tub and helped me out too and then towel dried me the best he could in between chuckles. I wagged my tail and kissed his face promising to myself to not put him through this again.
With that there was a knock on his door. We both knew it was the maid and she let herself in. Zoltar met her at the entryway looking less than regal, but had managed to throw on a robe.
"Sire," the maid said, " I didn't expect to see you here still."
"Yes, about that. I had some personal things to attend to this morning. I am going to prepare for my day in the other bathroom. Might I suggest you start cleaning in the other one there was a bit of an accident in there. Oh and this is not to be discussed with anyone, as always."
"Yes sire, you know I always keep your secrets. It is the condition of the job." she responded while bowing at the same time.
"Very well then I will let you attend to your duties." Zoltar walked off to the other side of his quarters and the other bathroom.
The maid entered the master bathroom and looked around with her mouth wide open. Then she turned and looked at me.
"You did this to the master didn't you?" she said with a smile.
I responded by a simple wag of my tail.