Item: one dog of the Saint Bernard persuasion. Normal state: huge, drooly, hairy. Current state: huge, drooly, hairy, smelly with generous helpings of mud, oil and dried blood (all of which is of ex-goon origin, thank goodness).
Item: one boy with unshakable belief in self, particularly when it has to do with animals. Wishes to bathe said dog and return it to owner in spotless condition.
Item: permission to use bathtub granted reluctantly. Shampoo and towels also provided.
Action: boy leads dog up the stairs. Fetch camera from room. Wait.
Result: commotion begins upstairs, scored to the tune of dog nails on tile and boy's voice at first soothing, then pleading, then threatening. When it reaches pitch of words I did not think boy knew, go upstairs to see.
Result: one huge wet soapy hairy dog goes hurling past me when I open bathroom door. Understandably reluctant to interrupt 200 lb missile's trajectory.
Result: one very wet, very soapy boy, liberally tufted with dog hair in middle of bathroom . Much mirth at his expense ensues. Take picture for reminder purposes. Boy very indignant at this. More mirth ensues.
Unintended result: Dog chooses my freshly changed sheets to rub itself dry on.
From: The Lesser Compendium of Recipes for Domestic Disorder. Stay tuned for "Coffee Crisis" -- when someone leaves an empty tin in the cupboard. Without telling anyone.
 Zark: Keyop has learned a very valuable lesson today: that even his remarkable affinity for animals, even when it's such a special dog as Orion, will only go so far.