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Huh?? by Kathleen Coventry
Huh?? by Kathleen Coventry
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Here's a little something I cooked up a few months ago.  For those of you who haven't seen it yet, enjoy :)  P.S. Lori, feel free to add this to your web page if you want to.  Huh?? A Gatchaman Fanfic by Kathleen Coventry Edited by Ennien Ashbrook  

No one was quite sure where the breakdown in communication  had occured.  Had it been the new helmets the Science Ninjas wore?   Could they have been too tight?  Or had it been Nambu, who had  spent the last few days fighting a terrible cold?  Whichever the case,  it had left Eagle Ken and Condor Joe in an extremely puzzled state as  they left their mentor's office.

Are you *absolutely* sure that's what he said, Ken??"  Joe  asked as they headed to their quarters.

"Absolutely."  Ken replied.  "You heard him as clearly as I did."

"But it seems so un-Ninja!!"

"Joe, don't start that again..."

"But it sounds so stupid!!"

"Joe..."

"But... but..."

"Will you put a *sock* in it!!"

Joe grunted.  The two walked the rest of the way to Ken's  quarters in silence.  Joe stayed out in the hallway as Ken entered his  room and began rooting around in the bathroom.  

Forty-five minutes ago Ken and Joe had entered Nambu's office  at his summons.  They were greeted by the sounds of his coughing  and sniffling.  Nambu had been sick for the last three days and it still  looked like he wasn't getting any better... at least his voice wasn't at  any rate.  Nambu motioned to them to have a seat on the sofa.

"Is there something wrong, Hakase?"  Ken asked furtively.

"I have had it!!" Nambu stated furiously -- at least that's what  it would have sounded like had his voice not become sore and hoarse  recently.  

"Maybe you should put your frustrations down in writing,  Hakase."  Joe quipped.  "That can't be good for your throat."  Ken and  Nambu shot Joe a withering look, but he ignored them as usual.

"As I was saying," Nambu began, whispering to conserve his  voice.  "I've had it up to here with Berg Katze.  First he tries to steal  all our sugar, there there was that mecha that fired marshmellow  goop,  and now...  Joe, what are you lauging at?"

"Nothing sir..."

"And then.." Nambu continued, whispering no longer, "Then  there were the chihuahuas, and now; *NOW* the walking, talking,  exploding Nambu dolls!  JOE!!"

Joe continued snickering.  He was rewarded by an elbow to the  ribs by Ken.  It only quieted him for about two minutes.

"Those dolls were the last straw!!  I have had it!!  So I'm  ordering the two of you to take the offensive.  I want you to go after  Berg Katze!"

Joe nearly choked in shock.  Ken looked dumbfounded.   "Hakase?  Are you sure??"

Nambu nodded.  "I have the coordinates to Katze's location  right here.  This is what I want you to do..."

Joe snapped to attention as Ken returned to the hallway  carrying a small container.  "I hope we have enough.  Maybe I should  ask Jun if we can borrow hers too."

Joe grabbed Ken's faceshield and began leading him to the God  Phoenix.  Ken popped him and he let go.

"Ken," Joe whined, "Are you sure this is waht Nambu wants us  to do?"

Ken sighed in exasperation.  "Joe, you've never questioned  Nambu's orders in the past.  Why start now?  We're Ninja, Joe.  We  have our duty to fullfill to him, the ISO, and the world.  Now let's get  going."

"But this is SO STUPID!!"

"Joe!  SHUT UP!!"  ****

Meanwhile, Berg Katze was in his private quarters looking over  the latest reports from the last mission.  S/he was not in a good  mood.  As s/he had expected, the Ninja's had easily tapped the  control frequency to the "Nambots"  and lured the miniture toys out  to the desert to be destroyed by a bird missile.  Sosai X hadn't been  pleased with the results either.  

Hir thoughts were interupted by a knock at the door.  "It's  Brace, Kat-sama. I have your tea."

"You may enter, Brace."

The burly, seven-foot tall chief of Katze's personal security  force entered the room and set a large tray of tea and biscuits on the  table beside hir bed.  Katze nodded appreciatively, then went back to  hir report.

"I take it Sosai X was not at all happy about the loss of the  'Nambots' "

Katze shook hir head.  "Not happy is putting it mildly, Brace.   They were after all, *his* idea."  Katze paused in thought, then  cracked a grin.  "I must admit the look on Nambu's face when he saw  them was actually worth all the trouble we went through to build  them."  Both of them began to laugh for several minutes.

"Brace?"  Katze asked in a serious tone.  "Why do I ever listen  to Sosai X?"

"Because," Brace answered as he walked to the door, a smart- ass grin on his face, "He'll paste you to the nearest wall with his  lasers if you don't"

Katze flung a biscuit at his head as he dashed out of hir room.  ****

A few hours later Katze had put the finishing touches to the  final mission report and was heading down the corridor to type it  into the archive computer.  As s/he entered the doorway, the  corridor behind hir exploded.  Katze was sent sprawling into the  control room.

"Katze-sama!!  We're being attacked!!" shouted a goon from the  main monitor.

"Thanks for sharing the obvious," Katze huffed, getting to hir  feet.  "Now.. would it be too much to ask if you tell me who is  responsible, and how they got here??"  Another explosion rocked the  area to the left of them.

"It's two of the Kagaku Ninjatai, and it looks like they arrived  in the God Phoenix, sir."

Katze pulled out his gun and shot the gaurd. [Smart-ass.  Why  me.. why does Sosai saddle these goons to me..]  S/he didn't have  long to dwell on the thought as the control room began disintegrating  before hir eyes.  Katze lept over the dead goon and ran into a service  corridor behind several of hir fleeing guards.  S/he rounded the  corner and made hir way to the launch pad.  A familar voice stopped  hir cold.

"Berg Katze..  you can run... but you cannot hide from the  shadows of justice; the defenders of the defenseless; the light which  casts away the darkness; the bringers of freedom, truth.."

"And good recycling habits!!" Joe shouted as he leaped over the  rail and dropped on Katze like a bomb.  Ken followed shortly after  and the two wasted no time in pinning the struggling mutant to the  floor.  Joe sat on hir legs, while Ken pinned hir arms and chest.

"You didn't let me finish my speech!"

"It was taking too long.  Next time say something shorter."

Ken shot Joe a quick glare, then reached into a pouch to pull out  the small container he had carried with him.

"You think you can defeat me with a small container  Gatchaman??"  Katze cried.  "My guards will be here in moments and  when they do you will find yourself overmatched and overpowered!"

"Not hardly." Joe snorted, sitting on Katze's legs with a bored  look.

Ken began unscrewing the top to the container and fished  around inside for a moment.  He pulled out a small, white, circular  pad; dripping liquid..

"Wh... what is that?  What are you going to do to me??"

"Just hold still Katze," said Ken as he reached for Katze's mask,  "This'll be over in a few minutes."

"AUUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  SOSAI!! HELP!!"   *Epilogue*

"The mission was a success, Hakase."

"That's wonderful team," Nambu said hoarsely.  "Now.. what did  you do with his body?" "His body, Hakase?" "Yes Joe,  his body.  I did ask you to execute him for me."

"Execute.." Ken began. "Him?"  Joe finished. Nambu now looked surprise.  "You mean he got away??  But I thought you said you.."

Ken looked down at the small container he clutched in his  hands.  Nambu took it and read the label.  "Oxy-10 acne pads??"

"Isn't that what you wanted us to do Hakase?"

"NO!! I SAID EXECUTE HIM, NOT OXYCUTE HIM!!"  

****  

"BERG KATZE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?  YOU HAVE  LITTLE LUMPS ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND YOUR SKIN IS RED."

"They're called hives, Soosai X-sama."

"THAT LOOKS FAR TOO OBVIOUS.  YOU'RE SWELLING.  IS YOUR  ENTIRE FACE LIKE THAT?  TAKE OFF YOUR MASK."

"I think I'm allergic to benzoyl peroxide.."

"OHHH DEAR.  THAT'S NO GOOD, YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOUR  MASK WAS. FUNNY, I NEVER REALIZED HOW OBVIOUS YOUR TAN LINES WERE -  NO WONDER YOU WEAR ALL THAT MAKEUP."

"I don't think makeup is going to cover this, Soosai."

"FOR ONCE WE AGREE -- YOU SHALL HAVE TO WEAR A FULL- FACE MASK."

"But... I don't *have* a full-face mask..."

"YES YOU DO."

"No.. NO! NO, I will NOT wear that thing again!"

"I'LL EVEN HAVE THE ANTENNAE REMOVED.."

"NO! Forget it!  I'll die first!"

"BERG KATZE, I ORDER YOU TO.."

"You do and I'll sell out all our plans to the Kagaku Ninja Tai!"

"NOW SEE HERE, BERG KATZE...!"
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