A Late-Summer Night's Gatch by Susan Bartholomew
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A LATE-SUMMER NIGHT'S GATCH-ACT II

(Inside the control room of Katse's castle. KATSE approaches SOSAI X's image and bows)

KATSE:
My dread and sovereign Lord, I bring thee news; Our latest mecha, mightiest of them all, Hath been completed, and even now Brings the kings of Earth down to their knees.

SOSAI X:
That I do hope, for thy sake, Thy failures of late hath been so spectacular Our budget for mechas surely runneth low. And my patience with thee, my mutated servant, Rideth at a similar downward slope.

KATSE:
Fear not, good my Lord! This mecha cannot fail!

SOSAI X:
Methinks that I hath often heard
Those self-same words slip past thy lips. Fail me not! Or else believe me that I'll make thee eat the ears of thy pointed hat.

KATSE:
I go to add to my Commander's glory,
And write anew his everlasting story!
(exits)

SOSAI X:
Silly twit.

(Aboard the God Phoenix. All are in their Birdstyles.)

KEN:
Keep a sharp eye out, good my team,
We must find Katse's mecha, else all is lost.

RYU:
Might I suggest, o brave and wise commander, We follow yon trail of broken, burning rubble? Tis only Galactor's black, demonic hand Could visit such dismay upon our land.

KEN:
Methinks thou hast a point. Now make it so! Hmmm-I do believe I like the sound of that-

JUN:
Commander! My radar doth detect
A large and heavy object dead ahead!

KEN:
'Twould be Galactor! Now my friends,
Our teamwork shall soon kick their sorry ends! My brave and noble Jun, canst thou make out The shape and visage of our mighty foe?

JUN:
My Lord, tis hard to see-its shape
Is hidden by a cloud of smoke and ash.

KEN:
We must get close-good Ryu,
If thy head hath ceased its hurtful roar, See if thou canst try and close in more.

RYU:
Aye, sir! Oooo-urp-

(The GodPhoenix flies closer to the mecha, which is busy stomping on downtown Utoland.)

JOE:
My Commander, might I try
My mighty bird missiles, and let them fly?

KEN:
Not quite yet. We must still get a view.
There it is! Why, 'tis-

ALL:
A GIANT SHREW!

(That's what it is, all right- a big, ugly, mechanical shrew, stomping hell out of an assortment of skyscrapers and chewing on them with its metal mouth.)

JUN:
Transmission coming through!
(BERG KATSE's mocking face appears on the monitor)

KATSE:
Greetings, my good foes!
I had hoped that thou wouldst try today
To do fair battle with my mighty Shrew-
Though I came not to praise its strength, but bury you! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! (Blinks out)

JOE:
How I hate that little shit.

(A beam shoots out of the Shrew's eyes. The Phoenix shudders and rocks)

RYU:
Commander! Our fair ship
Hath lost all power and is falling fast!
The steering's gone-the forward thrusters, too! Methinks that we are well and truly screwed!

KEN:
Try and land us soft
As tis in thy power, good Ryu!
Now let's all buckle in and-

(The ship lands with a mighty thud. The group ends up sprawled on the floor)

KEN:
Oh-uh, never thee mind.
Art we all OK?

JUN:
I hath a run in my hose,
But my limbs all seem to be in good repair.

KEN:
My hearty Jun, one day shall I discover
Why a man like thou art must wear hose.

JUN:
One day, my Lord,
I shall happily tell thee.

JOE:
Shall we cut the sappy crap,
Repair each to our crafts, and thus assail Berg Katse's foul device, and help him fail?

KEN:
Yea, my brothers, let's to our transports slip! Ryu, you stay behind, to guard the ship.

RYU:
So what else is new?

(Exterior; dry, barren area, lots of smoke from burning buildings in the background. The shrew mecha has stopped right on top of a building; its pulverized remains lie everywhere. A twisted sign nearby reads UTOLAND MILITARY MUSEUM. KATSE and his men have left the mecha and are trying to find the Ninja Team)

KATSE:
Sure I was I saw them fall,
Their ship bereft of power; like a stone
It plummeted to earth, and now shall I
Destroy the Kagaku Ninja Tai.

GOON:
No sign of them, my Lord. Their ship
Must be well out of sight, o'er those hills.

KATSE:
Then go, my men, and bring their burned-up bodies Before me, so that i might know for sure That they have met their doom, and I my glory.

(The GOONS move out. After they move a good distance away they're met by the team, each in their vehicle)

KEN:
Now, my warriors bold,
Attack the evil fiends; turn their blood cold!

GOONS:
Oh, shit!

(KEN strafes some goons, lands, gets out, does some spectacular hand-to-hand. JUN does pretty much the same; it's a typical kick-ass Gatchaman fight. JOE, though, has plans of his own. He collars a hapless GOON)

JOE:
Tell me, green-suited fiend,
Doth yon benighted creature hold within
The demon known as Katse, Galactor's lord?

GOON:
I'll never tell thee, though thou take my life!

JOE:
Fair enough. Now where's my hunting knife-

GOON:
All bloody right! He's in the mecha, where he awaits The arrival of thy charred remains.

JOE:
Well said, thou goon; at least thou hast some brains. I'd kill thee, but I've bigger fish to fry.

(Kicks him in the ass and runs off towards the mecha)

GOON:
If I canst not bring thee to Katse, I'd best fly! (runs off)

(Outside the base of the mecha. KATSE is sitting on a lawn chair, sipping a Diet Dr. Pepper. A battered GOON runs up.)

GOON:
Sir! The Kagaku Ninja Tai
Have overrun our men, and follow here!

KATSE: (spits out the soda and jumps up)
They come upon me? Damn the day!
Hurry, call the men! We must away!

JOE:
(appearing on a nearby cliff)
Not so fast, Berg Katse! Thy foul army
Lies dead and dying on Utoland's scarred soil Their blood has answered blood, but only thine Can be fit answer for the blood of mine!

(The GOON goes to fire, but gets shurikened for his trouble. JOE leaps off of the rock and advances on KATSE. Terrified, KATSE goes to his knees)

KATSE: (aside, groping in the rubble for a weapon) I am defenseless, save for this sharp fencing sword, plundered
>From the building among whose ashes we now stand...

(Grabs a sword. JOE fires his cable gun; KATSE deflects it. JOE reaches for his shuriken-he's all out. JOE picks up a pipe from the rubble and fences with KATSE, with a good deal of Ninja-style fighting thrown in-kicks, punches, etc, on both sides. It's basically another kick-ass Gatchaman slugfest, and pretty spectacular, too. They grapple in close contact; KATSE manages to slip the blade under JOE's bracelet and cuts it off. JOE falls backwards and goes out of Birdstyle.)

JOE:
Oh (insert really obscene expletive here)!!!

(A small group of beat-up GOONS straggle in, see what's happening, look at each other, then rush in pouring gunfire at JOE. He evades the gunfire for a time but is eventually hit, falling to the ground with a thud. With a still-defiant look on his face, he looks up to see KATSE looming over him. KATSE puts the sword's point to JOE's throat.)


KATSE:
And so, young Ninja brat, thou meets thy end, In true Shakespearean style-so goes the trend!

(moves to stab him)

(Cut to the rest of the team just finishing up the fight. RYU has joined them)

RYU:
I thought thou would want to know
The ship's been all repaired, and waits to fly.

KEN:
Well done, my merry friend! Now let us go And make Berg Katse rue this day for sho!

RYU:
You mean 'sure'.

KEN:
Yeah, whatever.

JUN:
But wait! Where's Joe?

RYU:
Methinks I saw him flying at great speed
Towards the evil mecha's loathsome form.

KEN:
O rash! My heart misgives
A conqu'ring fear that Joe no longer lives! Come, my team, we must at once take flight To find our brother and relieve his plight!

(They run towards the mecha. On the way they encounter a GOON-the same one JOE grappled with-running in the opposite direction)

KEN: (grabs him)
How now, foul goon!
Whither fliest thou in so cowardly a fashion?

GOON:
Hold me not, Kagaku Ninja Tai!
One of thy number hath already kicked my ass!

KEN:
Where is he now?

GOON:
This same man e'en now
Contends with Katse at the mecha's feet!

(Loud rumble; all look upward as the shrew mecha takes off and flies away)

GOON:
The contest must be ended!

KEN:
But what of Joe? Thou goon,
I'll waste no more of my time with thee!

(Kicks him in the ass and runs off, followed by the rest. The GOON limps away.)

GOON:
For this career I feel a deep misgiving-
An easier way there must be to make a living.

(The team runs to a rise in the rocky landscape overlooking the shrew's launch site. They see JOE lying in a bloody heap on the ground below.)

ALL:
Joe!

(They all run to where JOE lies. KEN lifts him up; JUN takes one of his hands, RYU the other.)

KEN:
Good my lieutenant, how thy bloody aims
Hath led thee to a most untimely end!
What aid can we now give, within our power, To comfort thee in this thy final hour?

JOE:
My dearest friends, weep not for me in vain- My contest with these fiends shall ne'er end As long as thou, the Ninja Tai, remain To fight our fight, and Katse's reign forfend. Tho hid by death, my spirit shall yet rise And fight beside thee, echoed in thy cries.

KEN:
I also weep, my brother,
That thy long-sought revenge 'twas ne'er accomplished

JOE:
Fret thee not, good Ken-conserve thy tears- I made him eat his f---ing pointed ears! (dies)

END OF ACT II
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