Earth Studies by Daniella T
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Daniella says: Inspired by a BBC skit on the same theme.
“Sire, we have a problem.”

The Spectra officer stood respectfully by the door of Zoltar’s office, waiting for the latter’s permission to enter.

Zoltar looked up from his files, only mildly curious. They had a problem. They had many problems, to be precise. He only felt a slight interest in discovering what particular predicament had presented itself now.

“Approach,” he instructed briefly.

The officer stood in trepidation.

“Well, Sire, it seems that the Earthlings have discovered a way to use their produce to communicate.”

Whatever Zoltar was expecting, it wasn’t this.

“Excuse me?” he asked politely.

“It seems that they use fruit ” apples, for example, or blackberries ” as communication devices. So they have a huge supply of ready-made devices for their defence apparatus. They also use a piece of equipment called a dongle, but I haven’t been able to find out yet which fruit this is. Perhaps something tropical.”

Zoltar gaped at him.

“And this technology is something our scientists cannot replicate?”

“Well, we have to look more closely, Sire, to get some more information.”

“Order all our assets on Earth to drop everything else they are doing and try to find out how the Earthlings have done this. Now!” he barked, a sudden thought of how bananas have the perfect shape to be used as communication devices coming unbidden into his head…

One week later

“So it seems that fruit have nothing to do with this after all, doesn’t it?” asked Zoltar, relief flooding his face as he read the report.

“Yes, it seems that the Earthlings are only inspired by fruit names, instead of using them. Just like we are inspired for the shape of our mechas by animals and… on occasion… ermm… seafood.”


Zoltar felt relieved and more than a little embarrassed for having believed that the Earth scientists would be able to do something that Spectran scientists could not. He gave a curt nod to the officer, who turned to go, when a sudden thought occurred to him.

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand. Did you find out what kind of fruit is a dongle?”

What part of the officer’s face was not covered by his helmet and mask turned a rather unhealthy shade of red.

“That, Sire, is a bit harder to explain…”


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