Date: 09/11/2009 11:51 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really loved the strength you added to Tiny's character...and the way you gave him a mischeivous side! Seemed like his motto was "enjoy the moment now...ask for forgiveness later".
It is very rare to see an in depth relationship between Tiny and Mark, and you wrote it very well!
Author's Response: Thank you for reading Springie. I am enjoying developing Tiny's character beyond the lazy, over eating stereotype that many others seem to keep pursuing.
Date: 08/05/2009 11:21 AM Title: Chapter 1
Nice story - and definitely good to see Tiny stepping up, thinking for himself, and doing the right thing. I'm pretty sure getting back in the air would be something that would work for Mark, and I liked him being "economical with the truth" over how much authorisation he had to take the jet.
I was confused by whose son Mark is here - Anderson's or Cronus's? And, to be honest, he's a bit of a drip throughout this, with no real indication that he's a superior candidate at anything. Doesn't he have _any_ good qualities of his own? A few signs that there might be some strength there doesn't really translate to "commander of Earth's top strike team". On this showing, Tiny's a better candidate.
Where's Don? You have Mark drop his name as if he's one of the team, but then at the end the "four heads" thing makes it sound as if Anderson thinks of them as a team of five.
To my mind you could also have lost the profanity with no effect on the story at all - at which point, why use it? It's a story which would have no need for a rating at all except for random use of the F word.
And now I've nitpicked - but I do that when I enjoy something. Good story and I look forward to more.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the review Cathrl. You have picked up on a few things I am still trying to sort out in my AU namely Don's appearance/non-existance at this point in the timeline and Mark's change in attitude from this "drip", as you call it, to the strong Commander we all know. Hopefully some of my other stories will show those "flares of strength" that Anderson sees to explain to readers Mark's change in attitude.
As for which of the two is Mark's biological father, in my AU - neither. Story to come some day, maybe. Makes for a great story with Mark feeling betrayed by both the men he feels he could trust.
[Report This]Date: 08/03/2009 11:13 AM Title: Chapter 1
Tiny seemed the logical choice for this task. It just seemed logical that Tiny would do what he had to in order to get the job done.
Nice writing, keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you. You are right I could not imagine Jason, Princess or Keyop helping Mark through the loss of confidence in flying. Although Jason may have some other ideas on how to get Mark back to his correct frame of mind - something less subtle and more physical
[Report This]Date: 07/31/2009 5:42 PM Title: Chapter 1
I love the way you describe Mark here and help him develop his confidence. It's not often that we see the Eagle being taken under the 'wing' of any of the others... except perhaps the Condor. Seeing Tiny take charge and help Mark 'open his eyes' is different... but you've done it in a believable way. From this, it makes sense that Mark would always trust Tiny's instincts as a pilot.
Of course, I also don't mind that Mark gets Cronus hot and bothered. ;-)
Author's Response:
Thank you TJ, I love giving Tiny this stronger position. I think he needs to be shown having more strength than just the "dumb" pilot who does nothing but sit on the Phoenix eating and being used as the bumbling sidekick on the team.
I knew you would love seeing Cronus being taken down a notch.