Date: 06/30/2009 9:27 AM Title: Chapter 4
This is certainly a differnt take on the origins of the Team! It has definitely piked up in this chapter, to the point where it's happening lightning fast. OTOH, isn't that how Galactor usually strikes?
I'm curious to see how these stranger personalities all come together...
Date: 06/08/2009 1:19 AM Title: Chapter 4
I am really enjoying the backgrounds you are giving each of them and am curious to see how they will all come together and learn to function as a team. These are interesting ideas and I'm looking forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thank you!!! Someone new who is enjoying this. I tried to make all the Kagaku Ninjatai as "incomplete" as possible so that they would learn to act as a team but unfortunately,pacing is slow.I'm doing this on the library so it is hard to type up updates all the time without one's own computer.
Date: 05/29/2009 3:33 PM Title: Chapter 2-Five Birds Gather Part 2
Not for me, I'm afraid. This could use a _lot_ more proofreading (spelling Phoenix wrong in the title isn't a good start) and these unpleasant people simply aren't the characters I recognise. Ken's reaction to being told he made a mistake is to punch the flight instructor? Even more bizarre; the flight instructor is casually rude to his student about his dead father? Joe goes out of his way to prolong a fight for several hours? Why aren't all those bikers on the floor inside thirty seconds?
What I'm seeing here is someone self-inserting themselves being casually unpleasant to all around them, defeating their enemies and gloating about it, and being selected as if it's a positive character trait. It isn't. The KNT are not these nasty people, and nobody would select these unpleasant brats for anything. I really recommend you consider what sort of people would end up in the sort of close team we see in the show, and what positive traits you think you are illustrating here which would cause anyone to select these kids for anything at all. I'm not seeing any.
Date: 05/23/2009 11:32 PM Title: Chapter 2-Five Birds Gather Part 2
so far so good!..I like the way you are presenting an alternative origins for the team....can't wait for the next instalments to this wonderful(may be long?) story....keep up the good work.......
Author's Response: I didn't think the first volumes would turn out so well.Let alone be posted. I'll be sure to bring updates as soon as I can.