Date: 05/24/2008 11:51 AM Title: Chapter 1
Love it! And I can just see some spoiled rich guys -of *any* age- doing this.
I know darn well that Mark was lying when he said his wings could only carry one. I've seen the GoS ep with the Sky Squealer (sp?) and amnesiac "agent" G-6. But I also can't blame him for not wanting to save their worthless lives. If Spectra had attacked while G-Force was tied up with that nonsense...
Date: 03/11/2008 9:39 PM Title: Chapter 1
The first part of this, I wrote as I was reading. :)
Silly question, but is Mark in his uniform in the first part? I'm guessing so, but the descriptions don't say. Judging by what is said later, it sounds like he isn't in uniform when he is talking to Bell. Have you thought of clarifying that part?
I do like the description of the planet at the beginning, and the part about what the planet is called. ;)
In the part right after where Mark is telling the team he's going alone, it becomes a little confusing on who is saying what line.
Heh, little show-off Zark. ;)
Earlier in the story you mentioned the time it would take for a message to travel with their communicators, yet later it seems like Mark is conversing in real-time with the team. Was there a reason for that?
Some of the descriptions were really good, but in other places there is a real sparsity of descriptions. I think that hurt the fanfic a little. It could be so much better with more of the environment and the people described. Especially at the end, to describe the 3 board of directors, and their reactions to Mark.
Nice twist on the "It's not Spectra" idea. And yes, I can see Mark as ruthless in stepping out of the facilities to let the three troublemakers suffer the real consequences of their actions. After all, this is a war. I wonder if Zark would report those as deaths, or if he would say, "And they all got out okay"? ;)
Fitting 'villains' considering this is all taking place in a remote, rich-kid haven.
Nice read! Congrats Dei!
Date: 03/09/2008 5:07 AM Title: Chapter 1
Very nice! Very dark, yet with a touch of humour. This is a lovely side to Mark that we rarely see, yet know has to be there. Here, we see the Commander of G-Force, and the ruthlesness that it implies.
I did love the bit about the No. 13 smile......